2024: A Blueprint for an Unhappy Year

(Un)Happy New Year, The Good Chocolate Lovers!

Let’s be honest: resolutions are over-rated. Where did we get this weird fantasy that on a random day of the year, just because the calendar turned, we can wave a magic wand and change our lives? I’m calling B***s***. 

Instead, for 2024 I got inspired by one of the late Charlie Munger’s earliest speeches to his son’s high school graduating class about what to do to experience less success in life. So here’s my take on the secrets to experiencing a downright gloomy year *… 

1. Neglect Your Well-being

First up, just forget all about those healthy habits. Exercise? Balanced diet? Who needs them! Just lounge around, snack on everything, and ride those sugar crashes and mood swings. Don’t forget to dump your healthy stash of The Good Chocolate, too!

2. Go “Green with Envy”

Spend loads of time scrolling through everyone’s seemingly perfect lives on social media. Ask yourself open ended questions like, why don’t I have 1,000 followers? Why aren’t I on a yacht in the Bahamas for the holidays? And where is my perfect body? Oh yeah, another good one is, Where is my passive income? Just keep using other people’s lives to blow up as many of your own small self-criticisms into giant existential questions. 

3. Cultivate Resentment

Forgiveness is definitely overrated. Try instead keeping a VERY detailed list of any and all slights and annoyances. I recommend one page per person. Revisit these often. Be sure to complain about all these other people with your closest friends and family and feel free to just vent with random strangers. There’s nothing like a good stew in bitterness to destroy intimacy and ensure a joyless and friendless year.

4. Isolate Yourself

Why go out and have fun when you can stay in and brood? Are friends and family tired of your complaining? Start ignoring them too and add them to your resentment list! Avoid calls, decline invites, and really nurture your hermitic lifestyle. Bonus tip: to really take it up a notch, get some blackout shades, avoid sunlight and live in darkness.

5. Refuse to Change and Ignore Risks

Make 2024 your year to stick with everything that’s not working for you and play it safe. Never try anything new. Find yourself with lots of empty time? Remember #2 above (scrolling Social Media) or #3 (resent and complain). Sure, it might get boring, but that’s the point and a good sign you’re well on your way to an unhappy year!

Bonus tip: don’t look for new things to watch on Netflix – reruns only.

6. Don’t Try to Grow or Improve

Lastly, be sure to avoid learning anything new or reflecting on your life. Who needs personal growth or self-improvement anyway? This is for people trying to make it a better year. The best thing about avoiding reflection and improvement is that we get to keep on making the same mistakes. At least with more suffering, life is less uncertain, and we know what to expect! Hey, they don’t call it the comfort zone for nothing.

Alright, team chocolate, that’s the wrap on how to have a miserable year. 

* Of course, it’s all in good fun, and we’re really hoping you do the exact opposite! But maybe, avoiding these 6 habits (which in all honesty, me, Ben and the whole team can fall into now and then) will leave room to actually try new things in 2024. At The Good Chocolate, we are really all about happiness, health, and fantastic chocolate. So, experiment, try doing the exact opposite of everything I just said, and let’s aim for a year filled with joy, community, and of course, lots of special chocolate moments with friends and loved ones.

Cheers to a Un-un-Happy New Year!

Yours,
Miki & The Good Chocolate Gang